I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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