Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
