i was born a porn star she said
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
