upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize