I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's like heaven, but drunker
How external is "for external use only"?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
