I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he fucked my hip out of place.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
