Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Come back. Shots need mouths.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
