awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
