Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
