Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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