i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
