how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
