No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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