you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
