SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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