If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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