pedialite and red bull = repair kit
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
