i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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