YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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