put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
