farters have to be the big spoon...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
