Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
