Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize