return my video game
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
