how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
