dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
