When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
