Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
