you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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