My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
