Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
