Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
