No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
