It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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