I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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