We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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