Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
