My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
