I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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