You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
