can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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