dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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