she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
