On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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