We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she told me i tasted like america
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
