A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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