i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
