I don't usually arrange sex via text message
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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