He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Randomize
