Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
