Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
