i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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