mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize