You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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