Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
