i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
