Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
