i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
