Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
