i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
