my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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