Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
