Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
