it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
