omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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