Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
