I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
