Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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