Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
