I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
