Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
