I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
