i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
