You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how can u be prego again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's official drugs can't kill me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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