ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
