Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
