i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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