I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Ambien. No doubt about it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
