my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
