Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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