I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
