When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They are going to name an STD after you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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