Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
