My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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