end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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