my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
