his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
