I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize