6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
